Umm I'm too high to move.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
