Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
