"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
