recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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