dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
