Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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