I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
