"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
