He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
