I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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