Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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