Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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