How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
