I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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