so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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