Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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