My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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