dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
