everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Still dying that you shit outside
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
