Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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