You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize