Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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