I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
