Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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