if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
