tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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