he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
