Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
