Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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