you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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