Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
