PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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