How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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