It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
