dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
whose parrot is this?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
