How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I could make wine with my vomit
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
