Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
