The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
