Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
