question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
