Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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