my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think my fart just growled at me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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