why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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