I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
