This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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