It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
