I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
