I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
