I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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