Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
