They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
