If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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