i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
