he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
accomplished twins. life is a go
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
