Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize